Be Your Authentic You

Wow, it has been a while. A long while. And not for lack of want, but for lack of time. I know what you are going to say, we make time for the things we want to, well in this case it didn’t really apply. I honestly have been going from sun-up, until after sundown. You see, I made a shift in my life, no matter how much I love instructing, I came to realize I needed a “9-5”. So, I shifted from just teaching Fitness (Pilates, Aerial & Barre), and having all kinds of “me” time, to working from 730am until 730pm (this includes travel time). By the time I got home, and had time with the BF, it was time for bed, to wake up and do it all over. I recently dropped one of my teaching gigs, so I am now teaching 3 days a week, and one Sunday a month, at only one studio. I am also one of their coaches for Bootcamp, so I still get to do what I truly love, helping people. There is nothing better than watching people reach their goals, whatever those are.

With all of that, I find myself at this weird place in my life. And even though I wish I could sit here and write about all of it, I know I shouldn’t. It’s funny how when you make changes in your life people feel that the changes are about them, when really it is about you.

For instance, I was sick for a long time, at least for me, roughly two years. I hid a lot of it well, because illness makes people uncomfortable, but I was honest with my friends. I said no to a lot of things, because I really just did not feel good. Now, I am, well, me again. I have my old energy, the positivity which I fought to hold on to is back in the lead, and I am just in a good place. But the phone has stopped ringing, at least from locals. People I spoke to every day, I don’t talk to at all. I have made attempts, numerous attempts to reach out, but nothing. I am not going to dwell, you get the point of the example. And I still have plenty of friends, I am not in need, just wish some of the people I thought were my friends, actually were. You know. Life lessons learned.

And yet, here, I find myself at one of the happiest times in my life. I feel fulfilled in work, I enjoy my day job, and find my passion with teaching fitness, and watching people get to their goals. Family life is good, my dad is doing better than he was, (did I mention he has been really sick, he has). And the other elements are great too.

So I guess that is why I say I find myself at this weird place. I am grateful for the people that are in my life, who choose to show interest, and understand who I am. I guess I am learning another one of those valuable lessons in life. I know I am a good person, and I give more of myself to people than I should, always have. I can’t help if life has been busy, there are reasons for all of it. Reasons I would sit down and talk to people about, that I have tried to talk to people about, but we all have our own shit.

You know, I used to ride my bike, a lot. I rode it to work, and well, just to get on and ride. To feel the wind in my face, the freedom, the loss of control (to an extent), I loved it. I have not felt like riding for so long. Anytime I saw someone on a bike I thought, “I wished I felt good enough to ride”. Then the other day, I saw someone ride and I thought, “I need to get my bike out”. It is those little moments, those little realizations that bring everything to the forefront. The time is changed this past weekend, and I think it is time to dust it off, and find that space again.

I did a photo shoot the other day, felt nice to be a part of a group again. It was pretty awesome of my boss for doing that. The smile that goes with this post was a part of that, and is genuine.